Free Funny SMS Jokes

If you are looking for free funny sms jokes then you have come to the right page! Here we provide you with a whole load of very funny sms messages that you can copy onto your cell phones to send to your friends and family or just to read for your own amusement online. Brighten up your own day or someone elses with one of our free sms jokes! Of course everybody has a different sense of humor but by looking through our list of sms jokes then you will see that we have something to suit most tastes.

In addition we also have some great one liners in the way of short funny sms messages so please check all of these out, you will be glad that you did.

Looking for hindi sms jokes or just even more free funny text messages? Just click on these links to go to our dedicated pages!

Funny sms jokes

There is nothing better than being told a funny a joke or being the guy or girl that tells a funny joke to a group of people who end up rolling around on the floor laughing. Here is your chance to take away some jokes and make them into funny sms jokes to send to your friends. We are going to start off with a list of free funny sms jokes for you, before going onto more very funny sms jokes and also some shorter one line jokes further down the page. There is something for everyone here so please take the time to read through what we have on offer.

  • A woman came home one day to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength from her rage she dragged her husband down the stairs and into the garage where she puts his penis in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle of the vice so it cannot be undone. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband in terror, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?!" The wife, with a look of revenge in her eye, said, "No, you are because I am going to set the garage on fire now."
  • Two Irishmen are walking down the street when they come across a poster in a shop window that says "black man wanted for murder", the first Irishman says to the second "It's not fair black men get all the good jobs".
  • Three men are stranded on a desert island. One day they find a magic lantern containing a genie, who proceeds to grant them each one wish. The first man wishes he was off the island and back home. The second man wishes he was with his family where he was headed before they became stranded. Both of them disappear before the third man says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
  • A man meets a hooker in a bar. She says to him, "This is your lucky night. I have a special offer for you. I will do absolutely anything you want for just $200, as long as you can say it in three words." The man replies, "Hey, why not?" He pulls out his wallet from his pocket and hands over two hundred bucks, and says, slowly: "mow my lawn."
  • A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mother says "Now Tommy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow what you wish for will come true!". Tommy replies, "I will do mum." and then goes to sleep. The next morning, Tommy wakes up and screams "MUMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true after all!", the mother replied, "I know son, April Fools!"
  • Hopefully you will have found something amusing to share with your friends as a funny sms joke in this section, if not then why not go on and read our very funny sms jokes section or our short sms jokes section as there is going to be something there for you!

Very funny sms jokes

  • Everybody likes free funny sms messages but why settle for just funny, why not really make someone laugh with one of our very funny sms jokes? In this first section we are going to provide you with the cream of the crop when it comes to funny joke messages. These are longer funny sms jokes but if you are looking for something shorter then take a look further down the page at our short sms jokes section as we have plenty of witty one liners there for you.
  • Two men are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the men is just about to chip his ball onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road alongside to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. The second man says, "That is the most thoughtful thing I have ever seen you do, you are a kinder man than I thought." The first man replies, "Well we were married for thirty years it is the least I can do."
  • A blonde woman finds out that her husband has been cheating on her so one day she follows him to the hotel where he meets his lover. While they are in there she bursts into the room with a loaded gun shouting and screaming with rage. She points the gun at the cheating husband and the lover before pointing it at her own head, "No, don't do it", shouts the husband. "Shut up, you're next", replies the wife!
  • Doctor: "Your wife has either Alzheimers disease or AIDS"
    Man: "Can't you tell the difference?"
    Doctor: " They both look alike in the early stages so what I suggest you do is drive her way out into the country and kick her out of the car, if she manages to find her way home then don't have sex with her!"
  • Question: What does the woman do when she leaves the domestic abuse center?
    Answer: The dishes if she knows what's good for her
  • Two ladies, a blonde and a brunette are having tea when suddenly the phone starts to ring. The blonde lady picks it up and immediately starts to cry. The brunette lady asks her, "Why are you crying?", to which the blonde lady replies, "Because my mum just called and said that my father has died. "I'm so sorry," says the brunette. Just as the blonde lady finally stops crying, the phone rings again. She picks it up and starts crying again. The brunette lady asks what is wrong again, to which the blonde lady replies, "My brother just called and said that his father died too."
  • Two blonde women are talking to each other when one of them says, "Yesterday, during the bpowercut I got stuck in a lift for three hours!", "That is nothing. I was standing on an escalator for three hours when it happened!", says the other blonde.
  • An elderly man was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang. Answering the call, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Jim, I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on Interstate 86.
    please be careful if you are on that road". To which the husband replies, " I am on that road right now and it's not just one car, it's hundreds of them!"
  • A woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says to her, "That is the ugliest baby that I' have ever seen lady." The woman goes to the back of the bus and sits down, upset and angry. She says to a woman who is sat next to her, "The driver just insulted and upset me." To which the woman replies, " You get back down there and have a go at him, I will hold your gremlin while you do it".

Remember in addition to this page with very funny sms jokes on we also have another page of funny text messages that have a load more jokes for free on there so please check that out as well while you are online.

Short sms jokes

When you are making a funny sms message then it is often easier to stick with the short ones as it can be a little boring typing up something long winded. Here we have a section that is dedicated solely to short sms jokes so we hope that they not only put a smile on your face but they also a smile on the fact of all of the people that you end up sending them to.

  • Blonde: What does 'IDK' mean?
    Brunette: I don't know.
    Blonde: I can't believe that nobody knows!
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • Question: What are the three words that men fear hearing when they are having sex?
    Answer: "Honey I'm home"
  • Sex is like vacation....it never lasts long enough.
  • If you think that nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of loan payments.
  • Question: What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
    Answer: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
  • Question: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
    Answer: A whore screws everyone and a bitch screws everyone except you!
  • A pilot asking permission to land says, "Guess who?"
    The controller switches the field lights off and replies, "Guess where!"
  • Question: How do u get a fat girl into bed?
    Answer: A piece of cake
  • My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other -- so now it's just a waiting game. (Bill Dwyer)
  • Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear clever until you hear them speak.

We hope that this brief collection of one liners and short sms jokes have been amusing for you and that you will go ahead and use them as funny sms text messages to send to your friends. If you don't want to pay to send joke sms messages to your friends then why not check out our free texting online page where we explain to you a free method of sending sms messages via the internet!

More than funny sms text messages

There is much more to our site than just free funny sms text messages, we have a further page on funny text messages that you may find interesting as well as a whole range of other features from friendship sms messages to love sms messages. We also have an explanation as to how to send text messages from your computer and how to take advantage of free text messaging online. Everybody has a cell phone these days so why not make the most out of yours by learning a thing or two from our free website.

We hope that you have found at least one of our free funny sms jokes useful and taken full advantage of them by typing them into your cell phone and forwarding them on to people that you know. You don't have to tell them that you got them from a website you could always pass them off as your own if you want to, they will never know! Funny sms text messages are all over the internet but we have endeavored to put the best ones on this page so that you do not spend your time trawling through other sites!

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